You Are The Meaning Now

You are the meaning now... You have no idea why.
Don't ask me, it's difficult to explain. All I know is I have to let time decide how the story goes. I have always loved you, in my heart and in my soul. I can't find words to tell you now. This love had grown so deep it's difficult to tore it from my heart.
If you only knew how I tried NOT to love you. All the roads that I tried to run away from leads me back to where I found you. The farther I walk away, the more I realized it's wrong to turn away. You are the meaning now, of what I called my refuge. How many times I failed to stop my self from coming back to you.
Until I finally realize, I have been running around and around for too long but I never get anywhere.
You are the meaning now...of what I call "my life". It would be wrong to live it far away from you. You can go anywhere in the world, we can be millions of miles away...but what you mean to me never changed, it never fades.
I can face this world alone, I can overcome anything and all. But I can never ever leave your side. You are my meaning now.

Maybe You Felt It Too

How did you become a part of my life? I was thinking that maybe you felt it too, when our eyes met, the first time I saw you... Okay, it's not romantic to see someone chewing on his food like he haven't eaten for days! But when I think of you now, it takes me back to that time and day when I wasn't looking for love. When I'm not interested to love! Maybe...just maybe, you felt it too.

No, I Don't Miss You

No I don't miss you...
I just like to see you smile.
That doesn't mean I miss you.
I just want you to know that I'm here.
It's crazy... I don't miss you.

When I see you happy, it makes my world a little bit lighter. When you laugh, crying seemed a little less painful. I wish you will always be there... Someone who can change my world without doing anything. You can't ruin my day even if you tell me I'm not pretty, 'cause when I look into your eyes and see them smiling at me I realized that being pretty isn't what I want to be. All I want to be is to see you...smiling, happy and make sure that I'm there whenever you need me. No, I don't miss you...'cause I never left your side wherever you maybe.

This One Chance

I will give everything and fight for this...in the end, if it's not meant to be I will just have to start again.

You know what, I don't want to tie you down. I want you to have your freedom, your choices, do what you want to do, chase after your dreams... I only ask this one thing, don't tell me to leave you let me stand here and love you, I want to come running when you call me, I want to break your fall when no one is there to catch you, I want to sit with you in silence when all your friends are gone, tell you that you mean a lot when you feel worthless, make you laugh when you forget how to smile, I don't know why... But it's important for me to be here.

I want to see you soar, I want to hear you shouting with happiness, I want to see you dancing in the tune of life... It completes my whole being to be here, cheering for you, shouting encouragement, reminding you to stop and smell the flowers... For me, happiness is looking in your eyes and found them smiling. Contentment is knowing that you are enjoying what you have. I am fulfilled when I feel in my heart that you are satisfied.

You don't need to love me, if you don't feel that way. Don't say you don't deserve me.

I only have one life, this one chance to love you, to be happy... I don't want to spend the rest of this life having second thoughts and wondering what could have been... You are this one chance for me to live, this is what I made to do...to love you.

Grateful

You're the only one who knew my heart, how I worried, how I spend the recent nights crying out to You. Thank You for hearing me out. It doesn't matter if he knew, no one have to know...

It was so difficult to stand here so far away knowing that the person you care about is somewhere so far and in pain. I don't know if calling him or texting him can help or am I just disturbing the moment. But You understand me so much, You assured me, told be to be confident in You. You really know what You are doing.

Now, everything is in it's perfect place. You taught me, to close my eyes and humble down. You showed me Your love, that You will not let me worry and You can't stand it if he is in pain. You love us more than we can love anyone else in this world. You make the best results from any painful situation.

Love him for me Dad... Because I always fail but Your love never fails, it knows no end, it's greater than our shame, higher than our thoughts, stronger than all our efforts put together. I know You will never let me go and You will never let him go. I know You are drawing us close to You. Don't let me go. Never let him go. You have always made us grateful. Thank you.

I Choose Love

"Why are we afraid of natural beauty?  Because natural beauty is powerful – it inspires, uplifts, and guides us.  Expressing it nurtures our spirits and elevates our souls."

I would bother to be healthy, to lose the excess weight...but I will never bother to change what I am made for...I will not let anyone put me down because of how I look. I will never change the way I think because the advertisement said so. I become beautiful because my spirit feels beautiful. I will not starve myself to look like someone else. I won't go under the needle to achieve perfection. I am perfect!

God planned the exact date when I came in this world, He formed me in my mother's womb. He decided my blood type, skin color and language. I have a Maker, and He calls me His own, He knows my every move and He hears me when I call.  My parents never choose me, nor I chose my parents. He orchestrated every step, every breath, every heartbeat to match His own.

I'm not slim, I don't have the latest gadgets, I don't have a straight hair and I'm not fashionable... But I choose love above it all. I choose to love my Maker, and love myself in the process. I will pray for those who can't accept me for what I am and I will pray harder for those who can't accept their natural beauty. God didn't create me to please anyone, nor did He create me to copy someone else... He created me to love. So I choose love.

Poker Face

I can never be successful in hiding what I feel, I can never hide when I start to tune out, I tell my girl friends I'm tough, I never give in to anyone. I appreciate their efforts, trying to find me a date when we go out... I smile, because that's all I can do. But sorry, I can't be anyone for you. Friends that's all, take it or leave it.

I'm not conservative, I'm not even boring... It's just that my heart is beating for someone else already. Struggle as I may from hiding it from him. But time flies and it can never come again.

So here I am. Back in my own world... I love you ladies for giving me extra patience when I'm acting up. But there's no one else in this world that I want to love. Strictly, exclusively, immeasurably, unbelievably... Imma pokah faze!

Me

working

playing

thinking...

me, when I hear you name

You are always someone who could make me smile just by hearing your name. These eyes will always adore you, even if I'd never see you again. These hands would always remember how it feels to hold you, even if it's holding someone else's hand. There are no guarantees that this changing world can make, but this love won't let your heart break. You may sail far, travel fast, be on top of the world and I would watch you from here. Though my heart would hurt, I would have loved you anyway. I would change nothing. I love what I had with you...nothing can change that, not even you.

Restart

Why can't we choose who to love? Why can't we tell our hearts to stay put and be still? Funny.

I wish there's a restart button. So that all I've said and done were completely gone. Yes, love makes you happy but if you don't stop your heart it will spoil everything leaving you a reckless, drunk driver.
I wish I can turn back time, I knew that I should have closed my eyes when he came by.

Restart. Control Z. Delete. Undo.
What other words can I think of?! But then it reminds me, this isn't my world. I don't belong here. This is the intersection of all created and uncreated things, legal and illegal, doubted and trusted, this is the middle earth!
Okay, so I made a mistake. But I won't give up with that mistake hanging down the road. I already went past it. I'm a thousand miles away from it.
Here I am. Restarting.

Looking For The End

The story started when I was listening to "Made Me Glad", I was concentrating on the high notes... It was a song made for me. I knew it from the first time I heard the song. I should have closed my eyes, 'cause when I saw you another side of my heart was glad.

I didn't care when we were introduced, I can't really remember your name! I am very good at building walls around me. You're one of those guys that I will usually push aside, shabby white shirt, old school pants and baseball cap? I thought I was telling myself that you're not my type. I didn't know my heart was making a journey on her own while I was busy building those walls.

I loved.
Loving still... How weird. How unnatural for me. This isn't how I used to know myself. There's a story, and I don't know how it will end. Until now, I am looking for the end.

Forget Him

I care for you...
I wanted to be there for you... I feel your heartbeat even if you're miles away...

It has been an hour and I'm still sitting here... I was trying so hard to be tough and brave! But When I heard that you got hurt my heart jumps and all the walls I built came crashing down.

I wanted to run and go to where you are... If I can reach you now I would have flown to you...

But I must forget him...

I have to put you behind me, behind all these...

I love you.

But I have to be stronger now...
I'll say I love you when you're not listening. I'll smile when you aren't looking.

I'll keep my distance and pretend to forget him.

Don't Say You Love Me

When I say I care for you, that I want to be here for you...you don't have to say thank you. Because it is not you that I'm trying to please but it is my heart who is willing to give. When I'm encouraging you to go on, when I say that I believe in you don't think I'm trying to be cheerful because I really know you can make it.

There's so much inside of you that you are not willing to show, so many ideas in your mind that you are scared of being criticized. I am amazed to have glimpsed what kind of heart that man is keeping. The walls, doubts and insecurities are like weeds around you but they can be hacked and burned. The heart needs courage, it has been out in the snow for too long. It got used to sitting there and waiting for something to happen...but the time for waiting is over.

Get up now dear, take my hand if you must. Do not doubt my strength for a second for it is not my strength who will help you up. My hand is just there for you to hold, but it is your heart's passion that will throw the walls and burn the doubts. For it is through fire that you become gold.

I am here, and when I say I love you don't say that you love me. For I love you not for what you are or what you can do. But I love you for what we will go through together. In the end if we must go our separate ways then be glad as always. For we had come to the end of the road. I would start a journey with you and end it with you. For your next journey, I would kiss you goodbye and ask you for only one thing. Remember me when I say I love you...but don't say you love me.

My Once In A Lifetime

I never have to believe in fairy tales, I don't fancy happy ending or wishes coming true. I live in what I have, I dwell in what I see, I am every picture of a witty lady in a practical world. Until I met you...

You gave me a reason to change what I believe in, you have proven that this is not what I want to achieve in this lifetime. There's more to just freedom, more to being able to work hard, there's more to just living my dreams.There's love to start off with, there's loving without expecting anything in return, loving against all odds and loving with no reason to love at all.

I didn't believe it was love, I didn't believe in love anymore... Then you came and prove me wrong. Do I have to see you walk away now? Must I stare at you from afar? Am I going to stand here and watch you leave?

I can't. You are my once in a lifetime...and if I let you pass me by, I know that this lifetime is wasted. That's why even if I have to chase after your heartbeat until my last breath I will do so... I will not stand here and see you go. I would rather die knowing that I have tried to live my once in a lifetime.

You Will Never Know

I guess this is where I turn around and give up. This is where I should stop, but each time I find the strength to go away I find myself coming back to where I can just sit and watch you from a far. I guess I never wanted to really get too close, looking at you from a distance is already happiness for me.
Forgive this heart for it knows nothing about giving up, she doesn't know the art of letting go. Or maybe when she learned how to, she chose not to anyway!
I don't understand how can I be so difficult to deal with. I only know one thing, when no one is there for you, or when the all your friends start to go home. I'll come running and help you up. I'll tap you on the back and say it's okay. I'll walk with you 'till your eyes are tired of holding back the tears. I won't go home until you are okay.
I have this heart to stay by your side. I won't ask for anything, I promise. I just wish that you are smiling when it's time to say goodbye.
I won't say I love you, 'cause I don't think this is love...it's got to be more than just love. I want to stay right here with you for the rest of time. I'm gonna watch you live, laugh, love and fight...but I will never watch you cry. I'll go down from whatever mountain or dive into whatever sea and come for you. If I have to kiss those tears away, or wipe them one by one...but I guess you'll never know.
You will never know that I'm here, with all the love I know and more than that.