You're the only one who knew my heart, how I worried, how I spend the recent nights crying out to You. Thank You for hearing me out. It doesn't matter if he knew, no one have to know...
It was so difficult to stand here so far away knowing that the person you care about is somewhere so far and in pain. I don't know if calling him or texting him can help or am I just disturbing the moment. But You understand me so much, You assured me, told be to be confident in You. You really know what You are doing.
Now, everything is in it's perfect place. You taught me, to close my eyes and humble down. You showed me Your love, that You will not let me worry and You can't stand it if he is in pain. You love us more than we can love anyone else in this world. You make the best results from any painful situation.
Love him for me Dad... Because I always fail but Your love never fails, it knows no end, it's greater than our shame, higher than our thoughts, stronger than all our efforts put together. I know You will never let me go and You will never let him go. I know You are drawing us close to You. Don't let me go. Never let him go. You have always made us grateful. Thank you.
"Why are we afraid of natural beauty? Because natural beauty is powerful – it inspires, uplifts, and guides us. Expressing it nurtures our spirits and elevates our souls."
I would bother to be healthy, to lose the excess weight...but I will never bother to change what I am made for...I will not let anyone put me down because of how I look. I will never change the way I think because the advertisement said so. I become beautiful because my spirit feels beautiful. I will not starve myself to look like someone else. I won't go under the needle to achieve perfection. I am perfect!
God planned the exact date when I came in this world, He formed me in my mother's womb. He decided my blood type, skin color and language. I have a Maker, and He calls me His own, He knows my every move and He hears me when I call. My parents never choose me, nor I chose my parents. He orchestrated every step, every breath, every heartbeat to match His own.
I'm not slim, I don't have the latest gadgets, I don't have a straight hair and I'm not fashionable... But I choose love above it all. I choose to love my Maker, and love myself in the process. I will pray for those who can't accept me for what I am and I will pray harder for those who can't accept their natural beauty. God didn't create me to please anyone, nor did He create me to copy someone else... He created me to love. So I choose love.
I can never be successful in hiding what I feel, I can never hide when I start to tune out, I tell my girl friends I'm tough, I never give in to anyone. I appreciate their efforts, trying to find me a date when we go out... I smile, because that's all I can do. But sorry, I can't be anyone for you. Friends that's all, take it or leave it.
I'm not conservative, I'm not even boring... It's just that my heart is beating for someone else already. Struggle as I may from hiding it from him. But time flies and it can never come again.
So here I am. Back in my own world... I love you ladies for giving me extra patience when I'm acting up. But there's no one else in this world that I want to love. Strictly, exclusively, immeasurably, unbelievably... Imma pokah faze!
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| working |
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| playing |
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| thinking... |
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| me, when I hear you name |
You are always someone who could make me smile just by hearing your name. These eyes will always adore you, even if I'd never see you again. These hands would always remember how it feels to hold you, even if it's holding someone else's hand. There are no guarantees that this changing world can make, but this love won't let your heart break. You may sail far, travel fast, be on top of the world and I would watch you from here. Though my heart would hurt, I would have loved you anyway. I would change nothing. I love what I had with you...nothing can change that, not even you.
Why can't we choose who to love? Why can't we tell our hearts to stay put and be still? Funny.
I wish there's a restart button. So that all I've said and done were completely gone. Yes, love makes you happy but if you don't stop your heart it will spoil everything leaving you a reckless, drunk driver.
I wish I can turn back time, I knew that I should have closed my eyes when he came by.
Restart. Control Z. Delete. Undo.
What other words can I think of?! But then it reminds me, this isn't my world. I don't belong here. This is the intersection of all created and uncreated things, legal and illegal, doubted and trusted, this is the middle earth!
Okay, so I made a mistake. But I won't give up with that mistake hanging down the road. I already went past it. I'm a thousand miles away from it.
Here I am. Restarting.
The story started when I was listening to "Made Me Glad", I was concentrating on the high notes... It was a song made for me. I knew it from the first time I heard the song. I should have closed my eyes, 'cause when I saw you another side of my heart was glad.
I didn't care when we were introduced, I can't really remember your name! I am very good at building walls around me. You're one of those guys that I will usually push aside, shabby white shirt, old school pants and baseball cap? I thought I was telling myself that you're not my type. I didn't know my heart was making a journey on her own while I was busy building those walls.
I loved.
Loving still... How weird. How unnatural for me. This isn't how I used to know myself. There's a story, and I don't know how it will end. Until now, I am looking for the end.
I care for you...
I wanted to be there for you... I feel your heartbeat even if you're miles away...
It has been an hour and I'm still sitting here... I was trying so hard to be tough and brave! But When I heard that you got hurt my heart jumps and all the walls I built came crashing down.
I wanted to run and go to where you are... If I can reach you now I would have flown to you...
But I must forget him...
I have to put you behind me, behind all these...
I love you.
But I have to be stronger now...
I'll say I love you when you're not listening. I'll smile when you aren't looking.
I'll keep my distance and pretend to forget him.
